Remembering the Dead?
"True friends reveal themselves in times of misery"1 is a saying existing in many languages and expressing the fact that many people are eager to share one's happiness, while remaining indifferent towards one's sorrow. The saying even proves to be true on the national level, which especially becomes clear in periods with a couple of national holidays.
On the 4th of May each year, the Dutch remember the victims of the Second World War and of all other military conflicts since then.2 According to the annual research of the National Committee for 4 and 5 May, 82% of the Dutch find the Remembrance of the Dead important and also think that commemorating is more important than celebrating.3
The ceremony on Dam Square, Amsterdam (Het Nationaal Comité 4 en 5 mei)
For someone attending the main ceremony on the Dam Square in Amsterdam - admittingly, I myself had no intention of attending the ceremony at first, but as I was in the neighborhood around that time, I decided to do it anyway - the results of this research are not really convincing. There is obviously a huge difference between finding it important to commemorate and actually commemorating!
In contrast to the thousands of people on the streets in the entire city center and its surrounding neighborhoods five days ago on Queen's Day (see my post on May 1, 2007), only a couple of hundreds were present at the commemoration yesterday, not even filling Dam Square. The whole event did not take more than half an hour.
Did someone say commemorating is more important than celebrating? That really sounds great, but let us rather stick to "True friends reveal themselves in times of misery". It's just so much closer to the truth.
1. "Dost kara günde belli olur." is an example from Turkish.
2. Initially only Dutch victims were commemorated. From 1961 onwards the commemoration has included victims of other military conflicts as well.
3. "Draagvlak voor 4 en 5 mei blijft groot", on the website of Het Nationaal Comité 4 en 5 mei, 1 May 2007; available at http://www.4en5mei.nl/4en5mei/nieuws/nieuws/nieuwsdetail/_rp_kolom2_1_elementId/1_115593. (accessed on 05/05/07)
2 comments:
Recently it occurred to me that even though we tend to think (and I hope correctly) that true friends reveal themselves in times of misery, there are also those around us who thrive on our misery. People who either love to provide us with their advise in order to be happy with themselves or cling to you when you’re in misery so they can focus on your pain instead of their own. We tend to call them problem relationships, but can we really call them “relationships” at all? When we commemorate a similar phenomenon occurs. We focus on all the horrors of our countries past. We think of those killed in battle, famine, and gas chambers. We may even cry looking at the faces of the veterans standing side by side on the town square each year (I know I do). But it’s not commemorating that counts, at least not for me. It’s the realization that whatever happened, and probably whatever will happen in my life is nothing compared to the mass suffering of the 1st and 2nd world war. Living in a country like the Netherlands we tend to forget what hardship feels like. We whine and nag about those few coins we can’t spend because of economic recession. We think our quality of life reaches rock bottom as soon as we can’t afford an expensive vacation. So commemorating our past should be highly functional in order to gain a little perspective. But there is also a great selfishness in commemorating. For when we switch off the television or return to our homes, we return to our freedom. Living in Holland is living and breathing freedom every day. There is not one person born after the war that can honestly say he knows what a war feels like except those soldiers who fought in combat in wars outside of our own country. How selfish am I to think that I understand even a tiny bit of the horrors of war? No, if we should do that which is closest to the truth, than we should only celebrate on the 5th of May. And as for my friends, I’d like to stick to the phrase: friends through thick and thin, for it are only those that love to see you smile and don’t mind to see you cry that truly are your friends.
Hi Catharina, thank you for this valuable contribution!
I agree with you that there are people who thrive on miseries of others, just as there are those who are sincere in sharing one's miseries. The people you mention are actually no different than those who like to profit from one's enjoyment; they both utilize feelings of others for their own benefit. In this case my criticism stands: be sincere.
I do not insist on people to commemorate, it's their own business, I don't care. As I said in my post, I myself had no intention to attend the commemoration at first.
It's just that there is such a big difference between what people claim and actually do. Slightly more than 80% thinks that Remembrance of the Dead is important and I think a similar percentage would claim the same for Queen's Day. However, at Queen's Day thousands appear on the streets in Amsterdam, while on the 4th of May only a few hundreds show up.
Apparently, the people like to benefit from this moment of national enjoyment on Queen's Day, but do not see anything beneficial for themselves in attending a commemoration four days later. This is what I conclude at first sight.
And yes, it's the realization of what happened that counts, but as I see it, commemoration is in fact a tool to remind people of this.
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